Jinx’s Diary: Part 1

Hello, folks! Years ago I wrote a little story called “Jinx’s Diary.” It’s about Jinx, our cat, and his musings on life, from catching his first mouse to compiling an encyclopedia of human oddities. I recently got it out and revised it for a… ahem, a project we’re working on (more about that when we finish it :D), and I thought I’d share it with you too!

jinx's diary poster

(Note: When Jinx mentions his “handwriting,” it’s because on the Word Processor I changed the fonts to make parts of it look sloppy or neat, but on WordPress, fonts don’t work. 😦 So, when he says “my handwriting is better” it had a neater font than before. You’ll just have to imagine it, I guess. 😀 )

Now presenting, “Jinx’s Diary: Part 1.” Enjoy!

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DeaR DiaRY                        8-22-11

i LeaRNeD HoW To WRiTe BuT MoM HaS To HeLP WiTH SPeLLiNG

 

DeaR DiaRY                        8-28-11

ToDAY i PlaYeD WiTH MY SiBLiNGS. i aLSo PlaYeD WiTH THe DoGS. TheY aRe NiCe.

 

dear diary                              9-4-11

I got some cheese from mr and mrs today. i like cheese. i learned lots of small letters. THESE ARE BIG LETTERS and these are small letters.

 

Dear Diary,                        9-11-11

Mom says I have improved in writing. She told me about PUCSHUACHION. That is a big word, but I spelled it myself.

 

Dear Diary                         9-18-11

Mr. and Mrs. are doing something with a bent piece of plastic. Pictures are on one side and there are buttons with letters like the ones I am writing on the side they set on the table. There is also something they call a mouse that they move with their paws. I think Mom needs to teach the humans about mice, because I saw that thing, and it was NOT a mouse. It didn’t even have fur! Sometimes they stroke its back and the pictures and letters on the plastic go down and down. I do not know what the plastic thing is. Oh. I just asked Mom and she says it is a CUMPOOTER. I spelled that myself. Mom lets me spell some words by myself. I am going to stop writing now because my paws hurt.

 

Dear Diary,                                                     9-25-11

Mom taught us how to catch mice today. She graded us on our learning. Here is the order from highest grade to lowest grade: Meatloaf, Pork Chop (that’s me!), Roast Beef, and Sausage. Sausage only lost because she tripped and scared away the mice. She falls down a lot because she is clumsy. But I can’t see Sausage anymore, because some humans came and took her away. Some other humans took Meatloaf. Now only Roast Beef and I are left, and I am very sad. I wonder where my sisters went. I hope I can see them soon. Did you notice that my writing is better? I have been practicing so it won’t be so jiggly.

 

Dear Diary,                                                             10-10-11

I have not written for a while because something very exciting happened. One day some people came into the house. There were several small humans and a big one. They started playing with me and the dogs. They laughed a lot. Then they picked me up and put me in their big rolling thing that Mrs. calls a CAR, and they took me away! I was scared, and I wondered when they would bring me back to Mom. They took me into their house and put me down. I did not know what to do, so I hid. They got lots of rolly things and stringy things for me to play with. They were very kind but also VERY loud. My ears hurt after they shouted and laughed at me. I miss Mom and Roast Beef a lot, but it is exciting here

P. S. The humans call me “Jinx” now. What is wrong with “Pork Chop?”

 

Dear Diary,                                                             10-28-11

Today an amazing thing happened. These tiny, wet, cold, white things just started falling out of the sky! It was… it was EXTRAORDINARY! (I don’t know why “extra ordinary” means “amazing,” but it does.) At first when I saw it I was scared because I thought the sky was crumbling into pieces. But the sky is still there, so I’m pretty sure it’s not that. I’m just going to call it sky-crumbles though, because I don’t know what it is. The humans were all excited and ran outside with lots of extra fabric on top of them to keep them warm. They stomped around and made white balls stacked on top of each other, and slid down hills on strange pieces of bright plastic. It looked like fun, so I went outside to see what it was like. Diary, do not ever, EVER step on white sky crumbles. They stick to your fur and melt and get you sopping wet. And I HATE getting wet. I stayed inside after that. The humans came in after a long time and made something in a bowl. They used sky crumbles and milk and some other things, and then they ATE it! Yes, the humans actually ate the sky crumbles.

P. S. I still haven’t seen Mom and Roast Beef. I am beginning to think that maybe I’ll never see them again. 😦 That was a sad face.

 

Dear Diary,                                                   11-09-11

Nothing unusual has happened, except that I’ve been practicing my handwriting. Do you like it? I think it is very nice, but it takes me a long time to write. The humans are beginning to talk about “Thanksgiving,” whatever that means.

 

Dear Diary,                                                   11-18-11

I found out what Thanksgiving was! It is a time when humans take time to remember all of their blessings (I have no idea what a “blessing” is, so don’t ask me) and also eat a lot of food. Food sounds good to me, even if I don’t know what a “blessing” is.

 

Dear Diary,                                                   12-11-11

The humans have this noise on incessantly (new word!) that they call CHRISTMAS MUSIC. They seem to like it, especially when it is extra bad. It hurts my ears. The humans brought a TREE in the house today! It was a very tall evergreen tree. They put it in a room and hung all sorts of things on it, like lights and shiny balls. (I wanted to play with the shiny balls really badly, but I didn’t because the humans would not like that.) Then they gave the tree water and gazed at it admiringly. I don’t think bringing a tree in the house is a good idea AT ALL! What if a spider climbs out of the needles? It makes me shiver just thinking about it.

 

Dear Diary,                                             12-25-15

Today all the humans went wild! They tore open boxes wrapped with bright, glittering paper. They screeched and yelled and oohed and ahhed over everything they took out. They call this CHRISTMAS. Humans are very, very strange.

 

Dear Diary,                                             1-10-12

I have to write a “12” on the end of my date because it’s a new year! I met some beautiful lady cats around the barn today. I like them very much. I think I’ll marry one of them one day. (But don’t tell them I said that!)

 

Dear Diary,                                             1-23-12

Nothing much is going on except I visit sometimes with a beautiful lady cat named Rabbit. (Of all the nerve! To call a cat RABBIT!) She is the one I want to marry the most.

 

Dear Diary,                                             2-11-12

I am HEARTBROKEN! Rabbit doesn’t like me anymore! She is going to get married to another cat. He is huge and ugly and mean. I don’t like him at all, and Rabbit shouldn’t either. Well, if she doesn’t know a good cat when she sees one, then – then… Well, I’ll never speak to her again! Diary, I am extremely heartsick and sorrowful. Life is hardly worth living now that Rabbit doesn’t like me.

 

Dear Diary,                                                   2-26-12

I am so happy right now I could burst! No, Rabbit isn’t going to marry me (I solemnly vow never to say her name again) but I CAUGHT MY FIRST MOUSE! Well sure, I caught a mouse at survival class with Mom, but she helped me that time. This time I did it all by myself! It happened like this: I was walking around, looking for Rab… I mean I was just walking around doing nothing when I smelled something suspicious. Yes, that was definitely a strong mouse stench! I could have got so excited that I meowed and scared the mouse away like Roast Beef did once, but I didn’t. I kept as cu as a coolcumber – I mean as cool as a cucumber – and tiptoed ever so quietly towards the smell. Sure enough, there was the mouse! He was the biggest, cleverest, smartest mouse you ever did see, Diary – he was most as big as a rabbit… no a DOG… why, he was most as big as an EPHELAFONT! – but I caught him easy as pie. It was the slyest thing you ever did see, Diary. I just crept up, slowly and softly (that mouse never heard a thing), and then I POUNCED! I took a flying leap, probably 15 feet in the air, and then I just sailed down on top of him. Boy was he surprised! He just about died of fright when he saw me there, my razor-sharp teeth gleaming in the moonlight (uh, sunlight) and growling most ferociously. He probably thought I was a lion! (I have to admit, there was a strong resemblance.) Well then I just lit into him. I caught him up in my iron jaws and carried him for a while. Then I let him down and played a little game of cat and mouse. I would turn my back, and he would think he was free, but then I’d whirl around, quick as lightning, and swat him flying. Then I’d walk away and he’d get up again and run for home, but he never got anywhere. I took care of that. After a while the game got boring because I always won, so I just went and ATE him. My, he was delicious! He was the best thing I ever tasted! He had a strong, savory flavor, with a hint of citrus butter around the edges. My mouth is watering just remembering it! And now I’m afraid I can’t write anymore, Diary, because I’m off to catch another mouse!

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My favorite parts so far are the “sky crumbles” entry and when he catches his first mouse. XD What was your favorite part?

***Allison***

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51 thoughts on “Jinx’s Diary: Part 1

  1. What was HILARIOUS!! LOVED it!! 😉 🙂 🙂 This made MY day reading it! It was so funny! XD About not wanting the tree in the house and the snow crumbles! I can TOTALLY picture EVERYthing hes saying !!!! XD LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. P.S. are you planning to add anything to your etsy shop anytime soon!?!?!??
    And can you POSSIBLY tell Megan, if she doesn’t already know, that I emailed her? Thanks!

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                  1. Sorry for asking so many questions, and interrupting you, but when were you planning to put them on? Just wondering…sorry, that probably sounds rude..or pushy…never mind! 😀 Thanks again! 😉 🙂 For telling me when you get them on! 😉 🙂 I think I’m gonna have a snack! ; 😛

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                    1. XD alright! XD :F oh, BTW, Cap’n died (my crab). Yesterday. Megan told me that Jeff’s fish died too…that’s sad. :/ 😥 😦

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                    2. 😦 :/ :l Yes…it was, but I’m okay! 🙂 😀 Hmm… that’s too bad. 😦 I think our goats are gonna have BABIES SOON!!! I CAN”T WAIT!!! XD XD XD XP XP 😀 😛 😛

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  3. This was SO funny, Allison—uh, I mean, Jinx! XD I didn’t want it to be over! My favorite part was probably the stuff about the “sky-crumbles” (LOL!). I also liked the part about the computer. Jinx, you are very smart for a cat!
    *Sunny
    P.S. By the way, my dog hates cats even more now after reading this post. XD

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    1. XD XD Thanks Sunny! I’m really glad you didn’t want it to end – I’ll put up the next part soon. 🙂 I know, I really like those parts too. Jinx loves you know because you think he’s smart. XD XD
      P. S. Ha ha!

      Liked by 1 person

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